Colossians 3:13

Here we have the last two on the list of what should be our disposition as Christians: bearing with one another and forgiving one another. And we are given the reason why we should exhibit those attitudes: because of the Lord.

The problems come when we want to emphasis the last one, forgiveness, without the foundation of the first six things.

Heart of mercy, as opposed to vengeance

A heart of mercy is a predisposition to forgiveness. It means we are eternally sworn off revenge.

Heart of mercy does not say: “you will regret it!” The heart of mercy is not blind to the wrong that has been done, but sees the vision of Christ on the cross saying “Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing (Luke 23:34).”

Jesus was doing what he himself said, which is pray for your enemies (Matthew 5:44). That is a heart of mercy.

I know it is hard to pray for someone who has wronged you, but do it anyway, and it does not have to be complicated. It may just be as simple as asking God to bless [NAME]. There can only be an upside to doing what Jesus said to do. That is the truth.

Kindness, as opposed to harshness

Kindness is tied to action. Remember the story of the good samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). The bible says in Proverbs 25:21-22, if your enemy is thirsty, give him water. God takes notice of you not following your instinct, but rather patterning yourself after him, who causes his rain to fall on the wicked and the righteous (Matthew 5:45).

Humility, as opposed to pride

Humility is not measuring yourself by your natural accolades. That is why boastfulness is incompatible with humility; when Paul boasts, he tells you what he is doing is foolish (2 Corinthians 11:1).

So, in my relationship with you, I am not looking for how I can be puffed up against you, but rather how I can serve you (Galatians 5:13).

This is, of course, beyond the grasp of the natural man. The one who is not boastful, puffed up, chest pumped out in chest-size competition, is considered foolish. But we Christians are called to be fools for Christ sake (1 Corinthians 3:18-19).

Paul called boastfulness foolish, but the natural man thinks not boasting is foolish. Christ, clearly, presents another kingdom.

Gentleness, as opposed to aggression

Gentleness is contrary to physical aggression, fisticuffs, or punching others in the face. We know you have big muscles and strong bones, so let it be to the glory of God and not to harm others. Of course, there is a gentleness in the tone, not losing control.

Patience, as opposed to treating others with disdain

Patience is you allowing others to occupy in your time. Thinking others deserve the sacrifice of your time.

All the above are forms of sacrifice:

• Heart of mercy: Giving up your right to get even.

• Kindness: Giving up your goods.

• Humility: Giving up your tendency to compare.

• Gentleness: Giving up the use of strength to have your way.

• Patience: Giving up your right to your time.

Bearing with one another, as opposed to ultimatums

Peter asked Jesus how many times can my brother offend me that I would forgive him (Matthew 18:21-22). He wanted a checklist that he would hang his cloth of self righteousness on.

But Paul said we have put on the new man. These things are obviously hard for the natural man, but is native for the spiritual man, renewed in knowledge according to the one who created him.

Paul is just drawing your attention to the new you that now has Christ in you, who now expresses all these qualities in and through you.

Bearing with one another is you giving up your right to be free from other people’s burdens.

Forgiving one another, just as the Lord has forgiven you, as opposed to everything that contradicts all the above

Forgiveness does not mean you now lose your memory, rather it means the qualities of heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, swells over to bearing with one another and we can live a life of forgiving one another.

And in the next verse Paul called all these virtues, qualities of being that you are now enabled because of Christ.

A Caveat

Some people focus on is the forgiveness part, and they want to chain you down and not want to change their ways. They want to retain their rights to abuse you while they insist you forgive them.

They want to retain their right to libel you, while they insist you forgive them. Tell them that forgiveness does not equate to things remaining as they claim it should be between you and them.

Though we are called to be fools for Christ sake, associating with someone is not by force.

Jesus did not pursue a relationship with those who wanted him dead. He avoided them until it was time for him to die.

These attitudes/virtues does not mean not calling out the evil that others do, we have examples of Paul doing this.

Be aware that what Paul is writing here are virtues, but I still have a duty to avoid being harmed by you, if I think you pose a risk to me emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

For example, if someone has a reputation of trying to ensure that I do not do the will of God as I see it, I am actually bound to avoid such person.

Not be aggressive, but avoid. John said so (2 John 1:7-11). Jesus did so (John 6:15). He was still gentle, having heart of mercy, kind, but that does not mean he does not have a choice in whom he associated with and if someone poses a danger to him, he avoided them.

Don't let anyone weaponize forgiveness to turn you into an emotional train wreck, especially close family members (Matthew 10:34-36).

David turned away from his brothers when they started speaking harshly to him (1 Samuel 17:28-30). He did not return harshness for harshness, but turned away.