Colossians 3:21

Men have two prohibitions:

• Do not be embittered against your wife

• Do not provoke your children.

These prohibitions are instructive. They show a tendency that men (fathers, husbands) should watch out for. 

These are cautionary words

• One: For you to watch over your actions

• Two: Recognize that your power is displayed in what you refrain from doing, and not so much in what you do.

It is interesting that Paul here never gave a positive commandment for the Fathers, specifically in relation to their children. 

• For the wife, he said to submit to your husbands, which is what I call a positive commandment. 

• For the husband to love the wife, which is a positive commandment,

• For the children to obey their parents is a positive commandment.

The men, who are the fathers and husbands, are given two negative commandments. 

• The husband is commanded not to act embittered against their wives 

• and commanded not to provoke their children.

It is instructive that the fathers/men are the only ones who are given negative commandments. They are specifically told about things not to do. That to me signals guidance against abuse of power, caution against the need to prove your power. 

While we are so quick to say men should do this, men should do that in relation to their children and wives, we have left the back door open to creating embittered men and men who provoke their children for whatever end they are pursuing. 

Men are being told to pay attention to pulling back on their tendencies.

Power of fathers

The latter part of the focus verse tells us the result of children being provoked: the children become disheartened, and their confidence and courage are affected. You can damage the child is the point here. Here we see a clear power dynamic.

Also, Paul is communicating something about the soft power of the father here, rather than coming in like a hammer. You have power by what you refrain from doing, which is what I am saying, and can cause damage by what you do. 

Recognize and face that. 

The bible is saying you have power. Agree with that, and stop trying to prove you have power. 

And with all types of powers, they corrupt, they are blinding, they have a tendency to become unfettered. Paul's point is that the power of the fathers should not be seen as unfettered, but as power under control. 

The damage can be incalculable for the child. Basically, you will damage the child when you reject the warning of the scriptures here. Paul is saying that the children would be disheartened when the fathers take certain actions.

Men and their emotions

Husbands in relation to wives are not to be embittered. That is giving us a window into the emotions of the men. The emotion of the woman was not mentioned here, but the emotion of the man is spotlighted, and I don't want to skip over that. Paul shows men’s emotions in a negative light here. 

For the man to provoke the children, there is an undertone of emotions here. But the emotions are seen in actions taken, either in embittered action against the wife or provoking action against the children.

Proverbs encourages people to rule over their temper (emotions) and not to give it unfettered expression (Proverbs 16:32, Proverbs 25:28, Proverbs 29:11).

Don’t justify provoking your children by saying that you want the best for them. God is not buying that; he is prohibiting you from provoking your children and warning you that you have a negative, long-lasting impact on them.

Men's Ministry

There is no business breakfast for the men here; no money, influence, and social ladder put in front of the men are worthy of pursuit. Because the men are supposed to find their identity in Christ, and not in their social standing, bank account, or professional ascendancy. You can quote me on that. 

Again, Christ is, all in all. There is nothing here about making men be more in touch with their emotions or crying more. Just love your wives, don’t be embittered towards them, and don’t provoke your children. That’s it. That’s the commandment.

Remember when the church was new, and certain people said that they should be circumcised and obey the laws of Moses. The conclusion of the Holy Spirit and the church leaders was that there should be no burden put on the gentile church, but a small list of prohibitions: not eating blood, no sexual immorality, and not eating food sacrificed to idols. (Acts 15:28-29).

God has called us to liberty (Galatians 5:13). There is no particular way a father should be. There is no list of things to do. There should be no burden of expectations/achievements put on men.  

We are told that if we have food and shelter, we should be satisfied with that (1 Timothy 6:8).

The point is, we pay attention to all manner of things that we cannot find in scriptures, all manner of entanglements with this world, all manner of things that we put in front of men to pursue instead of Christ, as laid out in the preceding verses. We have come to church to be nurtured in the love of God; rather, what we have is the love of the world (1 John 2:15-17). Sad!

According to Colossians 2:8: 

Be careful not to allow anyone to captivate you through

• An empty, deceitful philosophy 

• That is according to human traditions 

• and the elemental spirits of the world, 

• and not according to Christ.

People want to capture men with human traditions, including social and economic traditions, and we are being roped in with Christianity being tacitly equated with anything but Christ.

Christ is supposed to be the focus. This seems trite to the world, but not to Christians.

Paul said, “Be careful.” He is warning that the church can be captivated by empty and deceitful philosophy, naturalistic thinking that reduces everything to the things of this world. Do not set men towards pursuing the things of the world.

If it is not according to Christ, it is either human traditions or the demonic influence that would want to push you away from Christ. Be careful.

I am concerned about not thinking of Christian men as a new being in Christ, and rather as mere earthlings, and dealing with them like that, rather than Christ being placed in front of them, and not the infinite burden of earth-defined performance. 

I am saying there is nothing innocent about that approach because if it is not according to Christ, as laid out in the previous verses, it is human tradition at best or demonic deception at worst.